LOVING AN ADDICT ~ A Poetry Compilation Plus
82
A Brief History . . .
Addiction comes in variety of forms. For many years, I loved and cared about someone who was a drug addict. I desperately wanted to help this person through their illness to a happier life. I had hopes about our relationship and dreams of how things could be so wonderful without addiction in the picture.
It did not work out as I planned.
Although I previously published this poetry here at HubPages, I've decided to compile four poems related to addiction and loving someone that is an addict because I feel there is a story to be told.
Addiction is devastating in many ways: to the addict as well as those close to them.
No matter how much we may try to help, ultimately, it is not our choice. The addict must have a sincere desire to change their own behavior.
My hope is that by sharing my experience, it will help others in similar situations and also give addicts some understanding of what those that care about them go through.
My personal message to addicts ~ you are not alone, there is professional help out there if you want it.
My personal message to those in the life of an addict ~ you are not alone, there is professional help out there for you too. First and foremost, you must take care of YOU.
This is Sharyn's Slant
DRUG ADDICTION and A Brand New Start
Originally published March 29, 2011
I will no longer allow drugs in my home
If that's what you want, you'll have to roam
Through the dark scary streets where drugs prevail
Where everything addictive is for sale.
I am stronger with each day that passes
And I'll get even stronger through special classes
So that I can hold my ground like never before
If you must have the drugs, I'll show you the door.
I will no longer live in the chaotic hell
The tip-toe dance we know so well
The lies and deceit are so painful you know
If that continues, you'll have to go.
I must continue to learn how NOT to enable you
You must feel the consequences of what you do
If remaining an active addict is what you desire
I will not be there to put out the fire.
Of course there will be struggles along the way
But I can only pray for the day
Your two feet are firmly on the ground
And I know you’ve turned your life around.
Taking care of myself is what I must do
None of this is meant to hurt you
I love you with all my heart
All I want for you is a brand new start.
ss
THE EASY WAY OUT
Originally published May 4, 2011
Is that what you want
The easy way out
To leave this world
Without any doubt
That addiction was all
That you were about
I know it’s not true
Because I know you well
But others will just assume
Another life lived in hell
There’s more to your life
You have goals and dreams
They are important to you
At times it seems
So stop for a minute
Take a deep breath
Do not let them think this
When it’s time for your death
Do not let happiness
Pass you by
Please change your life
Before you die
Your family and friends
Will grieve when you’re gone
I pray it won’t be
Because your addiction has won
Do not leave this world
Hopelessly lost
Living as an addict
Never counting the cost.
ss
MY DESIRE TO FIX YOUR ADDICTION
Originally published May 5, 2011
Yes I really wish I could
Often feeling that I should
Be the one to make it right
Help you in your lonely fight
I beg
I plead
I want you freed
From the devil’s destructive greed
Spent so much time
Trying to fix you
Help you turn around
Help you start anew
Do you care
Can you see
How my efforts
Exhaust me
Yes I really wish I could
Often feeling that I should
Be the one to make it right
Help you in your lonely fight
Today I finally understand
It’s okay to hold your hand
But I cannot fix you dear
This became extremely clear
This brutal battle
Not mine to combat
I truly only wish that
The daily struggles
Which you face
Were in my power to erase
The addiction cycle
Can be reversed
Do not live
As though you’ve been cursed
Yes I really wish I could
Often feeling that I should
Be the one to make it right
Help you in your lonely fight
Today I know I can’t fix you
Doesn’t matter what I do
The desire to change
Must come from your soul
I can only pray
It’s your ultimate goal.
ss
A CrAcKeD Life (Addiction & Suicide)
Originally published November 17, 2011
What can I say
That I haven’t already
Said to you many times before
I’m left with so many questions
Need so many answers
Now you selfishly closed the door.
You gave up
Didn’t care anymore
When your life took a very steep curve
Why did you feel
That your life was not worth
The help that you so deserve.
You struggled a lot
Daily at times
But cheerfully always bounced back
I wish I understood
Why you quit fighting
Was it ultimately the Crack?
I was always there for you
To help you through
I truly gave you my all
I was so afraid
The day would come
That I would get the call.
Happy and sad
Manic and depressed
All at the very same time
No matter how difficult
Your life became
You always continued to climb.
So when I got the call
On October 8th (2011)
I certainly wasn’t prepared
I was in shock
And angry too
Thinking of all that we shared.
I always thought the call
Would be about
A drug deal gone wrong
You took crazy risks
This I knew
I was afraid all along.
Our past eight years
The ups and downs
Were certainly a bumpy ride
Yet I don’t think
I’ll ever get over
It ending in suicide.
ss
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING!
My personal message to those who may have considered suicide: There is professional help out there, everywhere. Please find it.
I can only speak from the point of view as someone who was left behind after suicide. It is an absolutely horrible feeling knowing that someone you love did not feel their life was worth living. The shock and grieving that follow are like no other imaginable.
This is Sharyn's Slant
National Addiction Hotline: 866-301-0367
National Alcoholism and Substance Abuse Information Center: 800-784-6776
National Drug Information Treatment and Referral Hotline: 800-662-HELP (4357)
National Alliance on Mental Illness: 800-950-NAMI (6264)
National Cocaine Hotline: 800-COCAINE (262-2463)
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 800-273-TALK (8255)
RECOMMENDED READING
LOVE ADDICTION Loving Yourself Enough To Stop The Pain by Sharyn's Slant
Carers of Addicts - The Invisible Problem by Peanutritious
WHAT LEGACY WILL YOU LEAVE BEHIND ~ Have You Thought About It? by Sharyn's Slant
A beautiful song by Charles Wiles concerned about his friend's suicidal thoughts.
A beautiful song about one woman's journey in recovery from addiction.
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One More Reminder 1-800-273-TALK (8255)
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I was prepared to recount my experiences with three addicts in my life ... until I read the ending. That stopped me short. I did not know or suspect that this tragedy would be the end result of all of your effort for him and then for yourself. This throws a whole new slant into the dynamics of what you have lived through. I have always admired you, but I am in awe of your strength, now, more than ever. Please continue to reach out to others as you heal. It is so very important.
Wow! I am so sorry that you have had to go through this. My father was an alcoholic and he continued to drink until his death from lung cancer - he smoked also. His addiction caused his family much pain and suffering ... he left a legacy for his children - two of them are also alcoholics. It is all so sad.
Now I sit here and cry like a fool. I followed your story from the beginning to the end and now I realize it was all true. I want to hug you and tell you your heart did all it could to mend a lost soul. As one who has been where you are (but more time has gone by) I like to believe those who couldn't clearly see the way are cured and waiting up above for those of us who were left behind. I hope you found healing in sharing your words.
Getting to know better Sharyn today... The poetry is at times riveting and can take us next to you and your struggle. Addicction is a big problem in this Country, and have touched some family members. Education and prevention should help our young generation in order to take heed and be ready to confront it. Thanks and like Kelly and Poohgranma said, your healing and thoughts are shared with your friends in here.
LORD
Beautiful work...simply beautiful! I'm glad I stopped by for this one. Love the passion...love the concern...love the empathy...thumbs up all the way!
Although I've read all these poems before they still make me feel the same way as I did when first reading them. I know what its like to love someone with an addiction problem and I understand everything you've gone through. My heart goes out to you. What you've written here is heartbreaking. I am always here for you and do hope that over time you will heal.
Beautiful poems all of them.
Hi Sharon..from a mom who has and still has a son who has struggled with drugs this was so very comforting and good. Letting go is so hard but if one does not I learned the hard way that is makes the whole situation worse. I have let go but will never stop loving him. I still pray and believe that one day he will turn around.Sharyn you are so strong and I continue to lift you up as I know you have been through so much. I know this was not easy to share but I am so glad you did. Sending many hugs.
Thank you again for your heart.
Sunnie
OMG Sharyn, I am so sorry to hear and read this. I didn't know. Your poems are beautiful and each one really touched my heart and brought a tear to my eyes because I know what it is to be addicted. If you ever need to just talk always feel free to email me anytime. We here at HP are always here for you if you need any of us. Stay strong Sharyn and again, I am so sorry.
Mark
very interesting written. good job!! voted up
Sharyn, this is so beautiful but sad. My dad was an alcoholic, and my mother loved him so much but he didn't want to help himself. One destructive thing after another. I am so sorry you had to live through a suicide of the one you loved. Votes and shared!
Most of us know or live with some kind of addict. It's so sad but seems to be on the increase. Thanks for sharing your intimate thoughts on this difficult experience. Voted up!
Sharyn, this is excellent hub. I am sharing on Facebook. this applies to all addictions.. alcohol.. etc.
thank you so much for sharing.
Voted way up
Debbie
I know what it's like to live with an addict. My husband is addicted to chewing tobacco and now also to alcohol. It is a self-destructive life that is hard to watch. I have learned that it is no fault of mine - even though he tries to say sometimes that I made him do something. I refuse to let him drag me down, emotionally, in the path he is taking. I am a Christian, so divorce is not an option. We pray for a miracle and for strength to survive until that miracle happens.
Thank you so much for writing this hub Sharyn. It's really helpful to me because my spouse is an alcoholic. I am so sorry you had to go through this trial. You have made the 'mess' your message to help others going through the same thing.
Dear Kelly ~ Your comment is extremely special to me. You are absolutely correct. "Addiction does not just kill the addicted. We are dragged through another kind of hell." And as you said, I certainly did learn a lot, way more than I ever wanted to or needed to.
But I feel it is important for me to say that I also had choices. As I look back now, I made some bad decisions. I wanted so bad for things to change that I stayed in the situation and in turn, neglected myself. Through the craziness, I lost everything and I mean everything, including even more of my self esteem. I am paying for it now for sure.
I realize for someone who, let's say, is dealing with their child who is an addict. It would be more difficult to "leave" that situation. In my case, I honestly stayed way too long holding on to hope. In the end, I am devastated.
You had said "I know you tried everything to help the one you loved." I did in so many ways. It is a very hard lesson to learn that know matter how much we love, no matter what desperate measures we go to so the addict gets the help they need, it is ultimately their choice alone.
Kel, of course you already know this, but I appreciate your friendship and thank you for always being there for me. Love,
Sharyn
Dear Sherry (Pooh) ~ Thank you for sharing that you also have experience with addicts in your life. I know the ending here is devastating. Things certainly do not always turn out as we had hoped.
I very much appreciate your thoughtful comments. I do try to reach out to others when necessary. Time does heal some. I do feel that it is difficult for my family and friends close to me to see me still grieving at times because they had hoped that I would have gotten out of this situation a long time ago. They have been with me through this negative situation for many years, trying to get me to "see the light." They watched me suffer, lose everything, close them out at times, etc. They just want the best for me. Of course they are devastated at the end result as well, no one wished it would happen this way.
So I don't always feel comfortable sharing (although I am sure I could) what I may be feeling with them as time goes on. I think that's why I felt the need to share here and also, I hope that at least something that I have shared will help someone else in a similar situation. Thank you Pooh, I hope things are going okay for you. Big hugs,
Sharyn
Hi Cindy ~ My father is also an alcoholic and so was his father. I am glad to say that neither I nor my two sisters have followed in their footsteps. So hopefully, we have stopped that trend. My sisters are not married to alcoholics or addicts either. I am sincerely happy for them, because . . .
On the other hand, I (the oldest) have tended to choose relationships with people that "need fixing." This is a painful reality, although I feel it's important to be open here to help others. I share more about "my addiction" in my article: Love Addiction~Loving Yourself Enough To Stop The Pain.
I am sorry to hear how devastating alcohol addiction has been for your family. You had mentioned the legacy that your father left ~ I can't help but think about the recent hub I wrote about What Legacy Will You Leave Behind. Your comments are exactly what I was trying to convey there, that now is the time to look at what legacy we will leave behind, and change it if so desired. Thank you so much for your comments Cindy!
Sharyn
Oh Ardie ~ I'm sorry I made you cry. I know you'll understand this statement: "I *wish* it was metaphoric." But it isn't unfortunately.
I appreciate you mentioning trying to mend a lost soul. You are so right. I felt that way and I really thought it was possible. I believed there was so much hope and that is what kept me hanging in there.
I am sorry that you also understand the devastation of suicide. It is not easy to comprehend. I wish you the best. And thank you, I do find some healing by sharing my words. I appreciate you my friend!
Sharyn
Hey Lord ~ I really appreciate your comments. Addiction is a huge problem, and I believe that just about everyone has been touched by it in some way or another.
I worry all the time about my nieces and nephews, seven of them. They are now between the ages of 14 and 25 and it scares the crap out of me. I know first hand what addiction can do to you and those around you. And I want to drill it in to them "no matter what, stay away!" I'm an auntie but act like a mom sometimes :)
And you are SO right. My hub family has been wonderful and so supportive. It truly has made a huge difference in my grieving process. Thank you so much!
Sharyn
Hi Billy ~ Thank you for your extremely touching comments. Your words are exactly why I pulled this together. I appreciate your feedback. I am really glad you stopped by.
Sharyn
Susan Z ~ Thank you so much my friend! I appreciate you taking the time to read this even though you've seen most of this before. I wish you didn't have to understand what I have gone through. We both know it certainly sucks (to be blunt.)
Thank you so much for being there for me. Time does have a way of healing but I don't think it can totally mend everything. This has been a huge learning experience that I hope by sharing, can let others know they are not alone. I appreciate your friendship always. Sending hugs your way,
Sharyn
Dear Sunnie ~ Letting go and "tough love" is extremely difficult. I know you have struggled with this and believe you have done the right thing. This is not something that you just DO, it's a process and takes time to get to that point of understanding. It does no one any good if you don't take care of yourself. A tough lessen I've learned. It does not mean you stop loving the addict. I realize that now. It simply means you actually do love them with all your heart and soul.
And of course, none of this is easy to share. Not just the fact that all this in my life ended in a suicide of someone I loved. But also sharing many of the details as they relate to me and those that love an addict go through. Best wishes to you and your family Sunnie.
Thank you for your hugs, many more back at ya!
Sharyn
Dear Sharyn,
These poems were so touching. I only hope and wish that no one ever experiences the pain that was felt in the above.
Wishing you peace and joy, my friend!
Mark ~ Thank you for your openness and all of your writing related to addiction as well. Your hub name, The Clean Life, says it all. I appreciate how you continuously share your struggles knowing that you will touch so many other lives. You are proof that change/sobriety is possible.
Thank you for your heartfelt words of encouragement. I appreciate all my HP friends. It is a comfort to know that you are here.
Sharyn
winbo ~ Thank you for stopping by to read and comment. I appreciate your votes too!
Sharyn
Hi Susan H ~ I understand the addict not wanting to help themselves. No matter how much you love the person, beg them to get help, force them to get help, give of yourself to them, etc., it will never work unless they truly want to change.
You had said "one destructive thing after another." Wow, such a true and powerful statement. When I was in all the "chaos" - this became normal which is so sad. I see everything clearer now of course. I appreciate YOU and your support. Thank you,
Sharyn
kelleyward ~ Absolutely, I believe we all have been touched by addiction in some way. I, too, feel it is on the increase and it is very scary. I can only hope that something that is communicated here touches someone who is ready to make a change. Thank you so much for your feedback.
Sharyn
Hi Debbie ~ Yes, this certainly does apply to all addictions, not just one specifically. I appreciate your feedback, votes and shares too. Thank you,
Sharyn
healthwealthmusic ~ hi, it's great to meet you. I agree, it is so difficult to watch someone that you love be self destructive. I also understand being blamed at times when in reality, it has nothing to do with you. I'm glad to hear you say that you refuse to be emotionally dragged down. Wishing you continued strength on this difficult journey.
Sharyn
Hi Gina ~ Nice to meet you. Your comments mean a lot to me. I especially love when you said "You have made the 'mess' your message to help others going through the same thing." I really like that. I definitely feel that I have a message but I also know that I still have lots to learn too. So I truly appreciate all the feedback I am receiving. It is helping me to learn and grow too. Thank you so much. Best wishes to you in making sure you take care of yourself.
Sharyn
Hi Ruchira ~ how are you, great to see you. I agree with you, that is my wish too, that no one has to experience this type of pain. It is like no other for sure. I really appreciate your feedback and special wishes. Thank you so much,
Sharyn
Hi Sharyn, thank you for all the work that you put into these amazing poems. You poured your heart and personal history into them, and they are sad and beautiful. It is such a heartache loving someone with an addiction, and you opened your heart to share the ache. Hugs to you..........
Hi Amy ~ There is definitely a lot of heartache involved when you love someone with an addiction. I do hope that by "pouring it out here" - it will touch someone else who feels alone and possibly misunderstood. Thank you for your special feedback and hugs!
Sharyn
Sharon,
I am so sorry for your loss and for the fact that you are living with this. There are addicts and then there are those who spend our lives trying to love these things out of people. Usually we are unsuccesful as vices are a powerful thing. I have addicts in my family and after 20 years of trying to fix it and sometimes enabling it I had to walk away. You are a true angel and you did all that you could. Sometimes love isn't enough and it isn't your fault. So beautiful.
Very good, I really enjoyed your poems.
Hi Tammy ~ A heartfelt "Thank You" to you! I appreciate how you said "trying to love these things out of people." I deeply understand that statement. It is a difficult reality that we feel we can fix someone by loving them, yet it usually does not work that way. Thank you so much for your openness in your comments.
Sharyn
Jacqueline ~ Thank you for stopping by to read and comment. Have a wonderful day!
Sharyn
I have seen addiction in my family. It's frustrating to stand by and watch, and not be able to make a difference.
A sensitive and loving hub.
Hi Ann ~ I agree, it is so frustrating to want to make a difference and feel that you are not. I really appreciate you stopping by. Thank You!
Sharyn
Hi Sharyn, I have visited and read several times now - here I am again and hopefully I can leave a comment this time.
I felt and know the heartbreak in your words, is it harder to live with someone's addiction, or to live after their suicide...
Thank you for having the courage to share this, your words will help people more than you know.
Best wishes Lesley
Hi Lesley ~ gosh, I feel so bad to know that you also went through something so heartbreaking. As you mentioned, is it harder to live with someone's addiction or to live after their suicide . . . wow, as I am sure you know, that is a really difficult question. Yet either way, it is hell. Thank you for sharing a deep piece of you here. I do believe as others see they are not alone, it will help in some way. Sending big hugs,
Sharyn
beautiful work, Sharyn. I admire your strength!
Hi Justin ~ It has certainly been a tough road and I hope my sharing will help others. Thank you for such a wonderful comment.
Sharyn
Wow. How poignant, no doubt that your sharing this experience will help others. Congratulations on surviving the journey with such strength and insight.
Hello Bea Wiser ~ thank you so much. I do hope that by sharing this part of my life, it will help others. Thank you for your kind comments.
Sharyn
Sharyn.....very real and so moving. Sometimes, we find ourselves being "educated" in things we never realized we'd have to learn. I understand how this happens and the words you have written speak loudly and clearly.
It is a slow and difficult process to reach that point of ceasing all co-dependence....but as we discover, it is absolutey necessary.
When the addict finally awakens, only then will they truly appreciate what we had to do and why. In any event, I know it requires much courage. Up & awesome
Hi Paula ~ gosh, I definitely was educated about things I believe I really never needed to learn.
I just wanted to clarify that this situation, the person I am writing about, committed suicide just over 5 months ago. It is a horrible, painful reality. Yet my hope is that my writing will help others in similar situations.
Thank you so much for your feedback.
Sharyn
Soooo tragic. I'm sorry you have had to go through this. Life isn't always fair, is it, Sharyn. Have peace in knowing you were a true friend.....
Paula, No, this doesn't seem fair :( Thank you for your words of comfort! I appreciate you my friend!
This is a great hub. I went through being with an addict for two years and it is really hard to get out if they don't want help. You definitely do have to put yourself first in the long run.
Hi Sadie ~ I agree. You must put yourself first. It's difficult, though, when you are so used to taking care of others. Yet, it's a necessary change to make. I appreciate your comments. Thank you!
Sharyn
A strong message is in your poetry. It's incredible.
Hi Phoebe ~ thank you for such a thoughtful comment. I appreciate you stopping by.
Sharyn
Sharon - I have put a link to this most amazing poetry on my latest hub poem "Acquaint yourself with the master of fear."
I absolutely love your work. Voted up and across except for funny.
Hi Audrey ~ I am so glad you stopped by. Thank you for your awesome feedback, linking, and votes. I appreciate that so much since this work is very close to my heart.
Sharyn
When I was in high school I shared a room with a drug addict. For two years I try to mend him then he finally died because of overdose.
Your poetry reminded me of my drug addict friend.
Hi Vinaya ~ wow, what a horrible thing you had to go through at such a young age. I don't wish what I have gone through on anyone. Not only the horrific issues that go along with trying to help an addict, but also the devastation of suicide. Thank you so much for sharing your story about your friend. Take care,
Sharyn
RealHousewife Level 8 Commenter 2 months ago
Voted up and everything but funny. Addiction does not just kill the addicted. For anyone who loves and cares about that person - we are dragged through another kind of hell. It is too bad that all the hope we have for their recovery is not strong enough to save them. And an addict can not run from themselves.
I am so sorry Sharyn you learned so much about these things and I am deeply sorry for your loss. You are a good woman and I know you tried everything to help the one you loved.